the feelin’ that makes me do wild things

Tuesdays are glorious for me, mostly because it’s the only day during the week where I’m totally free to do anything I want to do and also do nothing if that’s what I feel like.

I haven’t stopped running in the past week or so.

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Besides working, I’ve also been trying to get more involved with people still in town, and more involved at the church I’ve been attending the last two months. It all somehow culminated this week and in the past week, after work I’ve gone to a bible study, out to South Street, to a dancing class, caught up with an old friend from college who was in town, went Baby shower registering at Target and then gone to see ‘Gone Girl’. I was totally wiped by the time Sunday night rolled around… I’m pretty sure I went to bed at 9:30. I turned down for my sanity.

I very recently discovered that despite the fact that I’m usually quite good with people and don’t have a problem expressing myself, I have introverted tendencies (which would explain why all the people-ing this week wore me out). I’m now trying to respect myself in that and have since spent the past 24 hours totally alone and resting and it’s been so unbelievably therapeutic for me.

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I spent some time writing at the library today, both in my journal and for future blog posts. I made sure that I went to the Headquarters library which is larger and more inspirational as far as the environment goes, and snuck in one of those Starbucks Coffee glass bottles I found in our fridge somehow, so I had some extra incentive to create. I also picked up a few books there, one of which being F. Scott Fitzgerald’s ‘Babylon Revisited’.

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I finished ‘Brave New World’ last week and so far I’m enjoying Fitzgerald’s two characters named Harry and Sally in this new story, and the irony of their two names is not lost on me.

Afterwards I went to my dance lesson at Fred Astaire studios. I went to the free group lesson this past Friday and they offer two private lessons for $20, so I snagged that opportunity and today got to do the hustle, salsa and the tango. I’m almost eighty percent sure that the instructor was just being complimentary because he wants me to pay for normal lessons when my discount ones expire (my inner cynic emerges), but he kept telling me that I was progressing really quickly and well and he asked me if I’d danced before or played sports, because I seemed so athletic.

I’ll take it.

At any rate, I feel like a stick bug or a giraffe sometimes with my twiggy appendages and it would be quite a thing to control them in a graceful and beautiful way so I’d really like to continue pursuing these lessons. We shall see. I do things once and by the second trip or attempt (with anything really) I’ve already got the next five years planned out and I’m an expert in the matter. I have one more lesson on Thursday morning this week, which I’m really looking forward too.

Finally, I took myself to Vineyards Park hoping that the thrift shop rollerblades I bought myself for $10 a few months back were still in my trunk. I was pleased to find that the case, so I strapped myself in and went around the little lake a few times, just reveling in the sunshine. Sunshine! I’ve been inside working for weeks (which I thank God for), and my poor freckles haven’t had so much as a flicker of rejuvenation.

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I’m a different person when I get to be outside. Something about sweating, physical exertion and the combination of a perfectly punk Pandora station (“The Maine”, judge me not, we were all teens in late 2000s) made me feel more alive than I’ve felt in weeks. Every sense was heightened, from the feel of the sunshine on my skin to the subtle fish smell wafting through the air from the lake to the sight of a large white heron swiftly descending near the waters’ edge.

I finished up this wonderful day of solitude by cooking quesadillas with Christina, who kept making me laugh as she deep fried her homemade chips in oil and I mashed up avocados for guacamole. We managed to pull off a decent meal for our ‘family night’, which has been a Tuesday night tradition for a few years now. No one is allowed to be out, at work or on their phones at the dinner table and we’re really only able to pull it off once a week, but I really cherish that time with my family. After spending so much time away from them, I jealously guard every second I get to be with them because this whole me living-at-home thing won’t last forever (so they say… ).

I don’t have anything particularly deep or insightful to share about my day. I just think it’s nice to appreciate wonderful days when they happen and celebrate the fact that there is so much good to be found in just resting. Jesus rested, didn’t he? He knew when to draw back so he could again draw near. I can’t explain it to you all, but somehow me being alone under the sun listening to some good music or taking an hour to write all the thoughts flying around in my head somehow makes me a better conversationalist and a better empathizer, so I’m going to need to keep that up–for everyone’s sake.

Meanwhile, my feet hit the ground running starting tomorrow, and I work straight through to next Tuesdays, so there’s a good chance I won’t be heard from until then. I have several blog ideas cooking up in my head, so we’ll see. For now, it’s time for me to turn in for the night; please enjoy some of F. Scott’s lovely words:

“Clark,” she said softly, “I wouldn’t change you for the world. You’re sweet the way you are. The things that’ll make you fail I’ll love always–the living in the past, the lazy days and nights you have, and all your carelessness and generosity.”
“But you’re going away?”
“Yes–because I couldn’t ever marry you. You’ve a place in my heart that no one else ever could have, but tied down here I’d get restless. I’d feel I was–wasting myself. There’s two sides to me, you see. There’s that sleepy old side you love; an’ there’s a sort of energy–the feelin’ that makes me do wild things. That’s the part of me that may be useful somewhere, that’ll last when I’m not beautiful anymore.”

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